#5 Healing my relationship with my Dad

 

If you've followed me long enough you'll know that I've never had a relationship with my Dad up until recently but its something I've never really spoken about and I've had few people ask me about the situation, so without going into too much detail, let me tell you all about the relationship with my Dad. 

 

So my Mom and Dad were together 18 years, from young... they had my sister Nicky and my brother Aaron, they all lived here at my home now. It was one of those relationships where he was a shit bag and she was unhappy, and for 18 years my mom “put up with it”. 

 

Then, my Mom *accidentally* fell pregnant with me a whole 14 years later after having my sister and brother lol. 

She was heavily pregnant with me when she decided to separate from him as she had finally had enough. 

So I was born 1993 and was born into my home with my Mom, sister and brother. My Dad wasn’t around. He wasn’t a great Dad, he wasn’t interested and as time went on it was like I never missed anything anyway as that’s all I was used to. My sister and brother had a relationship with him but not great ones, but I guess they felt the pain of it more as they lived at home with him all their childhood. 

So over the years of me growing up, my Dad never bothered with me and my Mom brought me up by herself (with the help of my Auntie Anne). I had listened to what my Dad was like and I obviously seen first hand that he wasn’t interested in me (any of us) so growing up I formed an opinion on him and I wanted nothing to do with him. I hadn’t known any different anyway because he had never been present in my life so I just thought I’m not missing anything. 

My Dad didn’t live too far from my home so sometimes I would literally walk past him on the other side of the road and I would just look straight through him as if I didn’t know him. This all went on for years growing up. I never thought about him, I didn’t hate him but I didn’t love him either. It was a very weird situation where I felt completely nothing. 

Fast forward to 2020, I had done a lot of inner healing and spiritual work and I started to look around at all my relationships. I realised that I was born into this family for a reason, it was never supposed to be perfect it was supposed to be healed. I’m sure my family will vouch for this, I definitely have a healing nature and I’m always the “middle” person because I see everything and everyone’s side and I am able to give a different perspective. This goes further than my Dad, it goes for all the family, the little arguments and the bad habits we all form with one another (bad communication, lack of understanding, etc etc). I started to look at the situation differently, I started to ask Mom about my Dad and about his upbringing which I then realised he didn’t know any different. It doesn’t excuse him but I started to have compassion and understand why he was the way he was. You see people who aren’t brought up great can either look at things two ways - they either - want to level up and never be like their parents giving their kids the life they didn’t have, or they follow suit and stay in the same energy field as their parents.

Christmas 2020 at my sisters house, my Dad was there as she had still kept contact with him. I let my guard down and we had a brief conversation getting to know each other but it was light hearted as we were all drinking and I was only there a couple of hours, but it was a start and I felt more open to speaking to him as and when I seen him. After Christmas I was out walking when I bumped straight into him, he gave me a hug and kiss and we spoke for a bit and kept it moving. I felt happy inside that I had no hard feelings towards him like it was actually healing me in ways I never even understood needed healing. I never wanted anything from him, I just wanted to get to know him.

Then the best was March 2021, I answered my door and my Dad was just standing there, I wasn't expecting it but he came in and had a cup of tea with me, I was asking him 101 questions about his child hood and about what he was like when he was younger. He asked me questions and he noticed my telescope and we got into my love for the cosmos and my beliefs in life. To which he then looked at me and said “my little girls clever” - the first time he had ever called me his little girl and I guess the first time he's got to know me. It was a crazy moment lol.

Since then my Dad turns up at my house every now and again and I’ve been to see him too. I still have a lot of questions and a lot of healing to do in the relationship which will take time. I have completely dropped all expectations of him (and of anybody for that matter) I take him for who he is, I can’t change him and I can’t change the past but what I can do is understand him and make it a safe place for him to want to answer my questions and be honest with me to build a better relationship. Because when we go at people with anger and resentment they will go into protection mode and you will get the complete opposite out of them to what you wanted.

No expectations, no grudges and no judgments. Have compassion, be understanding and open your perspective. These things will come with healing your inner self. I guess to heal your relationships you have to first begin to heal yourself. 

 

I hope that this blog finds exactly who it's supposed to find, even if it helps to just open your perspective. 

Big love!

Sasha xxx

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7 comments

Loved as always! X

Danika Cannella

Stubbled across this . Perfect read ❤️

B

Thanks for sharing this!
I’ve been trying to heal myself from my non existent relationship with my dad, like you I’ve always known him and he knows me but he never bothered to take part in my life. Now I’m 26, got two kids and I’m still looking for answers. Tried to talk to him on Facebook since I’m Portuguese but I live in the uk since 2012.
I don’t feel like I resent him I just wanted some answers but the only one I got was so vague… I truly happy that you and your dad got to know each other. We can’t change what happened but we can get clarity if both are up for it.
Wish you two the best!
Xxx

Debs

Ah sash , I love you ❤️ I love the way you just speak the truth and I swear it just draws people in , also a lot of what you say changes peoples way of thinking , well it has mine ❤️ Proud of you ❤️

Lou

Proud of you ❤️

Donna humphreys x

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